Messages to my lost love

There was a short time, short compared to my time on earth, that I felt truly loved. 

Loved for who and what I am. Loved for all that I was. I could see this love reflected in Your eyes, your tone to me. Just three years of my 34 so far. It was a blessing and a curse. 

Why You ask? 

When You took it away I realized I would never have that pure unconditional love again. Although so nice to have felt, to know I will never feel it again makes me wonder if it was worth ever knowing. 

If I never knew, I'd have nothing to miss. 

If You never gave it to me I could be the person I was meant to be with out You. 31 years wearing a mask a mask I don't know how to wear anymore because of You. 

Song lyrics - Don't Find Another Love by Tegan & Sara

Won't you tell me what you want from me

Don't you know I'd walk across the sea

Just to be with you

Just to see it through

You can find me on the edge tonight

You could talk me off the ledge tonight

If you wanted to

Don't you want me to

Please don't find another love

Please don't find another love

Please don't find another love when I'm away

Now our signals breaking up

A satellite is not enough

Please don't find another love when I'm away

I could promise you're the only one

We could walk into the setting sun

If you wanted to

I'll follow you

Take a little and you turn away

Such a wicked little game to play

And I'm just a fool

How could you be so cruel

Please don't find another love

Please don't find another love

Please don't find another love when I'm away

Now our signals breaking up

A satellite is not enough

Please don't find another love when I'm away

I'm losing my senses

I'm falling apart for us

Now I'm defenseless

I'm falling in endless love

So please don't find another love

Please don't find another love

Please don't find another love when I'm away

Now our signals breaking up

A satellite is not enough

Please don't find another love when I'm away

Quote - Author Unknown

"We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them.

We say we love trees, yet we cut them down.

And some people still wonder why some are afraid

when they are told they are loved..."

Great description of Anxiety and Depression

Poem - Author Unknown

Quote - Author Unknown

“Have you ever longed for someone so much, so deeply that you thought you would die? That your heart would just stop beating? I am longing now, but for whom I don’t know. My whole body craves to be held. I am desperate to love and be loved. I want my mind to float into another’s. I want to be set free from despair by the love I feel for another. I want to be physically part of someone else. I want to be joined. I want to be open and free to explore every part of them, as though I were exploring myself.”

Quote - Author Unknown

“Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it.”

Slave Register ID

My number is 362-986-759. 

I wear it proudly in a tattoo that reminds me of You, my Master. 

It reminds me of who I am in the world, keeps me humble and grounded. 

Reminds me I was once Yours and loved by You, even if no more. 

To have loved You and been loved by You, was the greatest feeling in the world. I am grateful for the time You have given to me, and regretful it's gone. I never deserved You :'(

Excerpt by Augusten Burroughs. From "Running with Scissors".

I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.